Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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