The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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