Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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