you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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