Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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