Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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