My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
