I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
