I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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