did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
In America we eat man semen.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
