and you said cock pushups were impossible
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
