I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
