I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
soo... how was my night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
