So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
