Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize