Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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