I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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