They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
