I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
