glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
