SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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