he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
