I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
