he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
