I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
