Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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