I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
