i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
