Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
