I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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