Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
