I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
