her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
