I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize