2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just pynch a tree in the face
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
