I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
