I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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