Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
