We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
