you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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