The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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