so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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