dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
