I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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