He uses pillows to masturbate.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
did i just pee glitter
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
