She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
