you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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