im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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