I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
