exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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