If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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