I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
