I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you never un-have a 4some
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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