Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
