You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
