alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
