i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
