I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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