I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Someone signed my nipple.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
