So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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