so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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