The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
