dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
