This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
