i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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