and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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