when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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