can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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