it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
