So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
