listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
