is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
