I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
