I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
