How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
