You really coming over, don't trick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
